Saturday, December 1, 2007

Questions related to Lawyers

  • What do lawyers use for birth control?
    ## Their personalities.

  • What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
    ##A tick falls off of you when you die.

  • Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
    ##To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.

  • What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
    ##Not enough sand.

  • What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
    ##There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

  • What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
    ## A Doberman.

  • Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
    ## If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

  • What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
    ##One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

  • Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
    ## They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

  • Lawyer's creed:
    ## A man is innocent until proven broke.

  • What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
    ## Lipstick.

  • What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
    ## Skeet.

  • What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
    ##Chelsea Clinton

  • If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him?
    ## It might be your bicycle.

  • Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
    ## The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

  • It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)
    ## ...... I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

  • A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
    "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer.
    "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
    "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

  • You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
    ## You shoot the lawyer. Twice.

  • Do you know what happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
    ## He gets taller.

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