Questions related to Lawyers

• What do lawyers use for birth control?
  ## Their personalities.

• What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
  ##A tick falls off of you when you die.

• Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
  ##To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.

• What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
  ##Not enough sand.

• What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
  ##There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

• What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
  ## A Doberman.

• Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
  ## If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

• What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
  ##One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

• Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
  ## They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

• Lawyer's creed:
  ## A man is innocent until proven broke.

• What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
  ## Lipstick.

• What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
  ## Skeet.

• What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
  ##Chelsea Clinton

• If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him?
  ## It might be your bicycle.

• Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
  ## The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

• It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)
  ## ...... I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

• A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
  "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer.
  "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
  "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

• You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
  ## You shoot the lawyer. Twice.

• Do you know what happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
  ## He gets taller.